TV SMITH's Dua Sen: So I Speed Dated An Axe Murderer
TV Smith's Dua Sen
TV Smith's Dua Sen. The politically incorrect irregular columnist combines his idiosyncratic observations and tangential commentary into a blog...


by TV Smith

A couple who runs an online friendship portal and offline dating service invited me to join one of their events based on the current yuppyish craze dubbed "Speed Dating". Curious as I was, I initially declined the offer and almost missed an enjoyable and wacky evening. The organizers, lovebirds Yinnie and Arno have convincing credentials. They married after meeting each other on the Internet and are now on a duty-bound mission to eradicate lonely hearts and enlarge Malaysia's population.

"I'm OK with my social life!" I protested when Yinnie insisted on the third phone call.
"Yeah, but the women you meet are always from a bar somewhere" she retorted.
"True, but I meet girls at pasar malams too" I responded proudly.
"Who cares? We're short of one guy!" she finally confessed.

I relented and resigned myself to prejudiced thoughts of meeting wallflowers and people with speech impediment. This time around they managed to recruit about 20 men and women from seemingly contrasting backgrounds and gathered them at a quaint little Italian restaurant somewhere downtown KL. The organisers may have conducted some pre-screening or sorting, as the participants appeared to be from similar age and language groups. Each numbered guy gets to meet each permanently seated girl in separate ten-minute sessions.

Think of it as a series of chemistry tests timed by a bell and marked with a scorecard. So, off I went on a Friday night to a musical chair game that's supposed to pair me with a potential life partner or girlfriend from hell…
Speed Daters

Participant 1, self-employed, aged 25.

Me: "Those eyelashes look nice."
She: "Yes."
Me: "Are those contacts?"
She: "Yes."
Me: "The colours are kind of unusual."
She: "Yes."
Me: "Do you always give one-worded answers?"
She: "Yes."

Participant 2, marketing executive, aged 29.
She: "You don't look the marrying kind."
Me: "Thank you. Is there a way to tell?"
She: "Instinct and intuition, I guess."
Me: "Is that important?"
She: "Well, I paid sixty ringgit!"
Me: "That's the bell ringing, got to go."
She: "Next!"

Participant 3, school teacher, aged 27.
Me: "Wow, you came all the way from Tapah?"
She: "Yes, it's a small town."
Me: "If we were to go on a date, where should we meet?"
She: "Cameron Highlands."
Me: "How about we meeting halfway at Fraser's Hill?"
She: "If we go on a second date."
Me: "OK, third date ought to be at Genting Highlands then."

Participant 4, music student, aged 28.
She: "Your hair is longer than mine."
Me: "So it seems."
She: "What shampoo do you use?"
Me: "Soap."
She: "So it seems."

Participant 5, advertising executive, aged 31.
She: "Problem with most guys…"
She: "They don't pay attention."
She: "They don't listen to what I say…"
She: "And yet they always accuse me of overwhelming the conversation."
She: "Not that I don't listen…"
She: "I just like to get my message across."

Participant 6, unemployed, aged 29.
She: "Ten minutes is kind of short, don't you think?"
Me: "I think it's about right; otherwise we'll spend the whole night here."
She: "I heard at some places you're given only five minutes."
Me: "That's like chatting up a girl at a bar."
She: "For five minutes?"
Me: "Before the boyfriend returns from the loo."

Participant 7, personnel manager, aged 32.
She: "This is like interviewing people to fill a vacancy."
Me: "I know, I feel like another candidate."
She: "So tell me why should I go on a date with you?"
Me: "I've got good dating experience."
She: "How many years?"

Participant 8, artist, aged 26.
She: "Can I have your number?"
Me: "Thought we're not supposed to exchange phone numbers at this stage?"
She: "It's not an exchange; I'm not giving you my phone number."
Me: "But your number's going to be revealed if you call my mobile."
She. "My number is hidden, it won't appear."
Me: "Wow! You're that cautious."
She: "I'm always cautious with strangers."
Me: "Shall we go back to my place for a drink afterwards?"
She: "OK."

Participant 9, system engineer, aged 25.
She: "Hey, I know you!"
She: "You the one who writes all those funny stuff, right?"
Me: "Maybe."
Me: "Met anybody you liked so far?"
She: "Maybe."
She: "Don't tell me you're going to write about this?"
Me: "Maybe."

Participant 10, aerobics instructor, aged 30.
Me: "How do you keep fit?"
She: "I used to chop wood"
Me: "Used to?"
She: "Until my ex-boyfriend was found chopped into several pieces"
Me: "You're kidding me right?"
She: "Wanna see a picture of my axe or ex?"

OK, so speed dating may not be for everyone. But if you're up to it, it's a great way to meet a bunch of mostly decent and interesting singles. While the women seemed more focused than the men; it really is a safer and more efficient way of meeting members of the opposite sex. No need to use any corny pick-up lines and besides, it's only RM 6 per date including bland pastas. For more information check out

© 2004 TV SMITH
Link to this article:


Link to TV Smith's Dua Sen:

Contact / Feedback / Subscribe / Unsubscribe:    

Meet more Malaysian bloggers at MyCen Blog Directory