MALLBRATS
by
TV Smith
13/12/04
Here I am, trying to mix work with pleasure
- sip Pina
Coladas and upkeep my main portal Malaysia
Central (www.mycen.com.my)
- all at the same time. Something not difficult
to do from where I currently laze. A remote
and idyllic tropical island engulfed with
GSM signals. Almost paradise. I said almost.
Whenever I bluetooth the notebook to the mobile
phone, my Gmail
Notifier would blink like the hazard lights
of a Malaysian car caught in a light drizzle.
The
first hint of turmoil back home came from
an e-mail sent by a distressed friend. Josephine,
who's normally sedated even without tranquillisers,
revealed that she's on the brink of a breakdown
after a recent shopping trip. My inbox was
soon inundated with similar mails from agitated
folks demanding I highlight an issue blatantly
ignored by the mainstream media. I sympathise
with you dear readers, but your avalanche
of protest messages is triggering a personal
financial meltdown. Internet access via
GPRS roaming here costs around US $1 per
10Kb.
The
bane? Sweet little kids are now transforming,
mutating into mall monsters through shoes
fitted with stealthy skate wheels in the
heels. They zig-zag around shoppers, cut
in front of passersby without warning and
crash into innocent store mannequins with
nary an apology. Inspired by their parents'
road manners, I suspect. The mallbrats
rollered through the polished floors of
shopping malls leaving behind a trail of
destruction and despair. Skid marks, damaged
toenails and tears from kids unfortunate
enough not to own a pair.
It
is a worldwide scourge apparently. Jeff
Ooi just called me on the Skype
Phone from wintery Boston saying he
was chased down the mall by rodents in mittens.
"Do something!' he pleaded. "I'll
even accept chocolates from the mall owners
if they ban the blight..." he woefully
conceded. His Holiness the Dalai
Lama, who is usually calm and composed,
shot me a SMS from his exile home in Dharamsala
(not Damansara). The revered pacifist's
capitalised message reads: BANISHMENT ASAP
OR WORLD WAR :(
Even
good old Kofi
Annan, a staunch opponent of aggression
against Saddam Hussein and Kim Jong-il,
told me in no uncertain terms via Yahoo
Messenger: "Do something or I'll get
Bush to nuke em!" I'm not sure if the
outrage from the foreigners stemmed from
the fact that we started the trend or because
we are the world's leading (contract) manufacturer
of those pesky shoes. In fact, every adult
I know is lamenting except fellow blogger
Dr Liew,
who gets to treat more young patients with
fractured limbs.
I
don't know about the development abroad
but I do know that here in Klang Valley
it is something not totally unexpected.
A typical kid spends his formative years
in shopping malls. Usually in an empty supermarket
trolley pushed by an Indonesian maid. So
naturally, by the time they are ready to
walk at ages four or five, they take to
another set of wheels like ducklings to
water.
I'll
be back in a couple of days. Soon as I return,
I'll mobilise the NGOs,
inform SUHAKAM,
Pemuda
UMNO, Datuk Michael
Chong and start an online
petition. Promise. Meanwhile, I urge
you not to take matters into your own hands
(or legs). Do not stick a leg out...
©
2004 TV SMITH
Link to this article: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/131204_mallbrats.html
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