TV SMITH's Dua Sen: The Naked Card
TV Smith's Dua Sen
TV Smith's Dua Sen. The politically incorrect irregular columnist combines his idiosyncratic observations and tangential commentary into a blog...


by TV Smith

The multi-purpose MyKad is the latest version of our perpetually metamorphosing IC. With an embedded smart chip, it can also store our medical history, driver's license, act as an ATM card, serve as an electronic purse and even be used at the National Library. However, a recent experience by a holder brought to light the questionable control on access, potential information abuse and privacy infringement. As the belated debate rages on, I can foresee a likely scenario when ordering pizzas in the near future...

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Rumah Attap. May I have your..."

Customer: "Haloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your MyKad number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold on...... 6102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Dhaljeet Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Awan Hitam, off Jalan Ipoh. Your home                  number is 4094 2366, your office 7645 2302 and your mobile is 014 266 2566. Which number are you                  calling from now Sir?

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?"

Operator : "We are connected to the MyKad system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family sized ones then, how much will that cost?

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is 99.99 Ringgit..."

Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you're owing your bank                  6720.55 Ringgit since October last year"

Customer: "Mera Lund Choong..." [Translation]

Operator : "That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan Sir.

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."

Customer: "Kuti!" [Translation]

Operator : "According to the details in your MyKad, you own a Comel Scooter, ...registration number WOB 1123..."

Customer: "Tera peh thenoo picheyo kush karda hunda!" [Translation]

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language                  on a policeman... ?"

Customer: [Speechless]

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

© 2003 TV SMITH
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