To compound my sufferings, the neighbourhood pigeons decided to hold their daily Residents Association meeting on the flimsy overhead telephone cable connecting my house. On the days when avian discussions get a little overheated, my line goes dead.

Then, there's the moisture that stayed behind after the Great Floods of KL (circa 1970). There is as much crackling static and diabolical disturbances as BBC's short-wave radio reception on a stormy night.

So when Jaring Wireless came about, it was God sent. Or so I thought. I happily toddle down to the Anjung Jaring outlet in KLCC, only to be told nonchalantly that my application cannot be processed.

Lesson # 1 : I cannot register the line unless I produce a utility bill.

No mention of that on their web site. Another 25 minutes in traffic, RM 25 in fuel, RM 2.50 in parking and I was back inside the bowels of the Twin Towers. Never mind, I am patient. Even more patient than the Great Gandhi himself. He would have strangled them with his loincloth, I'm sure.

Never have I ever encounter such unfriendly, indifferent, shabby, sullen, dour, sour customer service from a commercial entity. Easily a 1000 times worse than that of Immigration, JPJ and Malayan Banking Setapak Branch combined. I can't help but conclude that they are not interested in my business, regard me a nuisance or simply want to make me feel as miserable as possible.

To be fair, they told me upfront NOT to sign up as they cannot guarantee service since my location falls within suspect coverage area.

Lesson # 2 : The coverage map on their web site has one big circle only. The map on the counter has two circles. A sneaky second circle (within) shows the fringe areas for which I live dangerously close.

Their ominous advice was based on two separate product returns from customers near my area. It might be useful for you know that you can return the equipment within seven days (should it not work). However, your money will be refunded only after 30 days.

Anyway, I was more optimistic than my doomsayers and insisted on signing up for the tempting 1 Mbps package. The woman almost whipped out a baton when I whipped out my cheque book. I cannot collect the modem until the cheque clears, she warned me sternly. Luckily, there was an ATM right next door.

Lesson # 3 : When you put down "Malaysian" in the race field of the application form, they automatically replaced it with "Chinese"

After registration and payment, I was handed a big box containing the wireless terminal and accessories. No explanation, no help, no instructions, no eye-contact, no thank yous. Mercifully, I was out of there. On the way to the car park, the mini-compo sized box slid down the escalator, sending Italian tourists and Arab shoppers scampering for cover.

Lesson # 4 : The supplied plastic bag is designed to hold the box for not more than 3 minutes before disintegrating.

More surprises and lessons for the unwary in Part 2:
Setting Up and living with wireless broadband

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