TV SMITH's Dua Sen: Menage A Moi
TV Smith's Dua Sen
TV Smith's Dua Sen. The politically incorrect irregular columnist combines his idiosyncratic observations and tangential commentary into a blog...


by TV Smith

Oops! She did it again. Britney Spears just learned a new trick. The disappearing finger trick. Her song "Touch Of My Hand" (from the new In The Zone album) is about, eh… er… touching herself. Don't get me wrong. As a committed and responsible bachelor, I'm all for loving oneself. Problem is, the pop tartlet does not really know her own market. She's hitting the spot, I mean spotlight, again and ignoring the fact that most of her fans are little girls of ages between nine and twelve. It's unhip to listen to Britney once armpit and other body hair start sprouting, apparently. Go over to Bangsar and mention her name to any of the navel-pierced teenage girls and you will likely get your shoes puked on.
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Maybe Spears just realised real men don't do silicon. Or maybe she is still heart broken and likes strumming her pains with her fingers. With the revelations, she might end up rubbing our hypersensitive authorities the wrong way. Will they give her the (two) finger salute, literally and figuratively, when the new album is released next Monday?
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On the other hand (another pun intended), the tradition of dunking the doughnut ought to be encouraged in this country. Among the adult male population, at least. It should stem the alarming rise in rape and incest cases. We need to get a grip on ourselves. Don't believe it when someone tells you your worst enemy is yourself. Your best lover is yourself. Making love to yourself is the safest of all safe sex, me thinks.
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Since the government is so fond of kempen(s), it should make next year; "Tahun Cinta I". However, taxes on soaps and lotions should be abolished if we wish to promote mass spermicide seriously. The recent reduction in broadband access charges is already a step in the right direction. The introduction of the internet has shifted the activity from the bathroom to the bedroom (monitor). The loss in taxes and revenue could be negated by the likely increase in sales of self-winding (kinetic) watches, wrist wraps and spectacles. In conjunction with the launch, local TV stations should also screen "Spanking the Monkey", the iconic 1994 movie centered on personal habits.
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Moral of the story? It's cheaper and less stressful cheating on your other hand. Ask Britney.

© 2003 TV SMITH
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