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TV Smith's Dua Sen. The politically incorrect irregular columnist combines
his idiosyncratic observations and tangential commentary into a blog...
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SEX
PLEASE, WE'RE MALAYSIANS
by TV Smith
08/06/03
Was
it Confucius who once said "Man with hard problem will find solution in hand"?
Local men with stiff problem will find solution in foreign hands, nowadays. At
the many 'Mini UN' offices in Kuala Lumpur, female representatives from ASEAN,
Central Asian, East European & South American countries work tirelessly to
alleviate the problems faced by men whose wives are chronic migraine sufferers.
Creatively branded as health centers or spas, the ISPs (International Sex Providers)
are respectable tenants of five-star hotels, fancy service apartments and futuristic
office towers. Its marketing and distribution network runs far and wide. Stroll
down Jalan Bukit Bintang and you'll likely be accosted by sales agents touting
a delivery service that's faster than any pizza maker in town. At the popular
entertainment strip along Jalan P Ramlee, almost every meter-hating cab driver
queued up at the 100-meter long taxi stand is a 'down-liner' for some health centers.
 |  |
Above: Cops read
blogs? Night of June 11th; police patrol car appeared every 15 minutes to foil
repeated attempts to set two new world records.
World's biggest assembly of meter-hating cab drivers and world's longest taxi
stand.
Of
course, there's no sinful supply without devilish demand. We're after all a nation
of happy humpers with enough sexual energy to rival six billion rabbits. We're
talking quantity here, not quality. Some men, reportedly, find these places attractive
because they can skip the hassle of foreplay, which is usually ten minutes of
begging anyway. In the West, couples with bedroom problems are encouraged to seek
joint counseling. In Malaysia, our men adopt a slightly different but unilateral
approach. They go to GRO lounges, sit silently with one hand on a breast (and
the other on a thigh) and listen to the GRO's endless ranting for about RM 30
an hour (minus tips and drinks). The curious twist is that the the customer pays
the GRO to listen to her problems. One
local hooker-hunting politician suggested that foreign women flocked to work at
our chicken shops because Malaysian men make good customers. They usually last
five minutes or less, he claimed. So we're a nation of unabashed premature-ejaculators
then? Perhaps that explains the proliferation of performance enhancing
products. Take a look around you; there's endless ads and flyers promoting aphrodisiacs
ranging from Ginseng Teh Tarik to Tongkat Ali Instant Noodle. For the women, a
thousand Jamu products compete to tighten their pelvic muscles and help them keep
a firmer grip on their partners.
With
its 70 Million Population Policy going haywire, the government now wants its citizens
to bonk at home, not at someone else's. There's no point having a five million
increase each year, when another ten million die of venereal diseases, sexual
exhaustion or murder by jealous spouses.
With all the earlier emphasis on reckless reproduction, many 'counter-productive'
subjects remain taboo on mainstream television. Sanitary napkins and condoms commercials
are still banned. God forbid, if someone should ever promote a tampon on prime
time television, she'll likely be detained under the ISA. Our kids are not supposed
to know anything about menstruation or safe sex. Many continue to rely on hieroglyphic
inscriptions on public toilet doors for the most basic of sex education.
Right: Computer-enhanced image of artifact excavated from site where a
secondary school once stood. Circa 1980. Believed to be inscriptions on the inside
of a school toilet door. It was commonly used as a medium for sex education and
is still widely adopted by present day Malaysian society. |  |
With the current
explosion of incest, child rape and abandoned babies, one would think that our
local research institutes are racing against the clock to develop some kind of
libido suppressant. No. Instead, our universties are embarking on a government
funded study of a local herb, Kacip Fatimah. It purportedly increases a
woman's sexual drive and shrinks her uterus faster after child-birth, thus enabling
her husband to re-fertilise her within one week of leaving the maternity ward.
Never mind that there are more pressing problems like persistent poverty, increasing
scarcity of natural resources and life threatening diseases.
Ever since
since the disbanding of the National Family Planning Board, Malaysian men have
literally risen to the challenge to copulate the country out of its Third Word
country status. No wonder rabbit meat never took off in Malaysia. It's considered
a sacred animal. Majulah
Seks Untuk Negara.
©
2003 TV SMITH
Link to this article: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/080603_sexplease.html
See also: TOOLS OF THE TRADE
| ANY OLD WOUNDS IN YOUR VAGINA? | PEEPING
TANS | MENAGE A MOI
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to TV Smith's Dua Sen: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/
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