TV SMITH's Dua Sen: Peeping Tans
TV Smith's Dua Sen
TV Smith's Dua Sen. The politically incorrect irregular columnist combines his idiosyncratic observations and tangential commentary into a blog...


by TV Smith

In the early 80's, a former Miss Malaysia and her boyfriend were regular room guests at a highlands resort. Unwitting performers, they delighted audiences in the air cond ducts above their bed with their acrobatic escapades. Due to limited seating, a long list of hotel employees would wait patiently for their turn to crawl up dark and narrow passageways to become silent spectators of the weekend trysts.

My girlfriend then, was inspired by stories of the couple's famed wheelbarrow coupling and wanted to try it. Not that I was unwilling, that particular coital position was a bit unsuitable for our usual love-making venue; my trusty and rusty Datsun 1200. Our squeaky mobile bed was often anchored at the legendary Bukit Ceylon car park, sandwiched between the St Andrews Church and a residential palace. A nondescript landmark by day, it was filled with hundreds of cars participating in synchronized humping at night. With cars moving in and out every few minutes, there was a certain carnival like atmosphere to it. The only thing missing at the playground of the poor and unfamous was the ice cream man. In the mornings after, stained tissue papers and wilted condoms languished in the sun, a sticky testimony of the government's unsuccessful Anti-Litter and 70 Million Population campaigns.

The gear stick and handbrake lever were not the only hindrances to smooth and undisturbed quickies. Experienced parkers would either blast the air cond or mist up the windows with their rapid breath and rising body heat. Such time wasting pre-copulation rituals were necessary for privacy reasons. Overlooking the car park, was a hill and secondary jungle filled with nocturnal inhabitants squatting on tree branches with packets of Menglembu groundnuts. The only tell tale signs of these passionate observers were the tiny burning red spots of cigarettes lit to keep the mosquitoes away. On the ground another species of lecherous lurkers were the policemen on motorcycles. They would pick a car at random, observe quietly and then shine a torchlight, with amazing accuracy, at the woman's exposed genital during her most vulnerable moment. Ironically, the vehicle occupants often became ardent onlookers themselves. Post orgasmic bonding involved putting the seats upright and watching the misty wayang kulit performance of the adjacent car through romantic sodium streetlights.

Voyeurism and outdoor sex have become an industry by itself. Armed with night vision binoculars and infra-red enabled handycams, the civilian aficionados join uniformed duty bound public servants in prowling car parks, recreational parks and reservoirs. Enterprising snoopers at the Seremban Lake Gardens built elaborate tree houses and moved about in the darkness disguised as bushes and tree trunks. Amorous Muslim couples face even greater perils. The thoughtful and conscientious voyeuristic officers would let them finish their business before moving in to fulfill their roles as consummate witnesses to illicit sex.

The lazier peeping tans can now plant hidden video cameras in hotel rooms, bedrooms, changing rooms and in toilet bowls. Wired or wireless, they watch everything live or recorded from the comfort and relative safety of their office or home. A quick check at Malaysia's premier electronics marketplace, Pasar Road, reveals that wireless cameras, the size of a suppository, are now available for under RM 1000, putting electronic pubic surveillance into the hands of the masses.

Another congruous technological revolution is sweeping Malaysia. Happy yuppie peepies armed with those new fangled mobile phones with built-in cameras are photographing up skirts and down cleavages with unprecedented ease and enthusiasm. Realizing their true calling in life, this new breed of underwear paparazzi target unsuspecting women on escalators, LRTs and underneath bistro tables. These high tech predators are intruding into traditional Malaysian male pastimes like 'cuci-ing mata' at Bintang Walk and building treetop observatories.

© 2003 TV SMITH
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