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TV Smith's Dua Sen. The politically incorrect irregular columnist combines
his idiosyncratic observations and tangential commentary into a blog...
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UNCLE
HO WANTS YOU! by TV Smith 08/05/03
Uncle
Ho Menyokong MSC, Wawasan 2020, Malaysia Boleh, Peace Malaysia, Beli Barangan
Buatan Malaysia, Kempen Cara Hidup Sihat, Kempen Anti Denggi, Kempen Kitar Semula
& Kempen Membanteras Cetak Rompak |
Uncle Ho Holdings, Malaysia's
largest manufacturer, distributor and retailer of quality pirated and bootleg
VCDs, DVDs, Audio CDs, CD-ROMs seeks suitable candidates for our rapidly expanding
organisation. From our humble beginnings in Petaling Street in 1998, we are currently
operating more than 68,000 outlets in the Klang Valley & Johor Baru. We have
managed to secure at least 4 stalls outside every convenience shop, 8 stalls outside
every coffee shop and 50 stalls at every pasar malam. We're expanding into every
housing and commercial areas, making us the biggest outdoor retailing company
in the world with over 16 million discs sold daily. Our high-tech multi million
ringgit manufacturing facilities are now operated on ships anchored in international
waters to circumvent local copyright laws. We are gearing for an IPO (Initial
Public Offering) and are in the process of applying for MSC status as Malaysia's
largest multimedia company. Be a Franchisee We offer exciting
and profitable franchising opportunities for retrenched workers, unemployed individuals
and ex-convicts. Set-up cost is a low RM 500, including an inventory of 150 titles,
portable iron stands, plywood and red table cloth. As the franchisor, we'll provide
you with protection against local gangsters, unsatisfied customers, enforcement
officers and post bail if required. All confiscated items are our responsibilty
and will be returned to you within 2 working days. You will be rotated with other
resellers from nearby areas to reduce the rate of return or exchange for defective
copies. For an additional investment of RM 1200, a battered 25 year old car will
be provided as a mobile store. As part of the Uncle Ho Network, you'll be provided
with access to VIEWS (VCD Inspectors Early Warning System). By placing
well trained informers in every enforcement agency, we're able to eliminate the
'surprise element'. While we take every precaution to warn you of impending raids,
we highly recommend the purchase of an unlicensed walkie talkie. You'll be able
to network with other franchisees through the wireless system and receive additional
news and warnings. As the largest purchaser of Motorola GP300 Walkie Talkies,
we're also able to supply you units at very attractive prices. | Our
Mission Statement To provide Malaysian youths with employment and
a stable source of income. To help promote Malaysia as the top regional
technology and multimedia hub in the true spirit of 'Malaysia Boleh'.
To make available in Malaysia the latest blockbuster 30 days before its international
release. To fight American hegemony by reducing the profits of Hollywood
studios and Bill Gates. To place a stall every 25 feet on every five
foot way throughout Malaysia. To reduce the rate of defective discs
to 25%. To send every VHS player into early retirement and to achieve
total extinction of the format by by 2004. | NEWSFLASH:
Our top title for April 2003, "KEHIDUPAN SEORANG PRAMUGARA YANG TERLAMPAU"
achieved triple platinum sales. Syabas to all concerned. |
Join
Us Full Time - Vacancies Available (KL / PJ / Cyberjaya) Reseller
(26,000 positions, Nationwide). Job Description: Operate mobile five foot
way stalls. Requirements: Chinese males aged 12 - 22 with blond hair only.
Possession of own waist pouch to store X-Rated titles will be an added advantage.
Benefits: Flexi-hours and additional one 'day off' each year during major annual
operasi. Graphic
Artist (3 positions, Cyberjaya) Job Description: Design covers/inlays
for movie titles. Requirements: Very rudimentary knowledge of Photoshop 1.0.
Copy latest movie listings from IMDB's website.
Ability to design porno-looking covers for mediocre family movies will be an added
advantage. Benefits: Free 10 copies of (pirated) software programs every
month. Camera
Operator (15 positions, Klang Valley) Job Description: Film movies being
screened in cinemas without being noticed. Requirements: Indians only. Ability
to hand hold a camcorder without any shake for 90 minutes. Ability to hold
your cough for 90 minutes and munch popcorn silently is an added advantage.
Benefits: Free popcorn and movie passes every month. Purchasing
Officer (1 position, Cyberjaya) Job Description: To buy back consficated
items at a reasonable price. Requirements: Malays only. Good negotiation
skills. Ex-employees of city and town councils are encouraged to apply.
Benefits: Easy settling of parking summons and other fines. Please
send your resume to: The Group Human Resource Manager. Syarikat Kumpulan
Uncle Ho VCD DVD CD CD-ROM Holdings & Group Of Companies (Malaysia) (1998)
Sdn Bhd. E-Mail: carikerja_uncleho@mycen.com.my
| Community
Service / News / Promotions Uncle Ho Pre-Elections Mega Sale
- 1st to 10th June 2003, Uncle Ho's Anchor Stalls, SS2 PJ & Petaling Street.
For more details visit: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/020603_uncleho2.html
Meet The Fans & Autograph
Session with the charming stars
of 'Pramugara' on Monday, 12th
May 2003, 8:30pm at
Uncle Ho's Anchor Stall,
SS2 Pasar Malam, Petaling Jaya.
Check for future events on this
page or here
In a hurry, too shy or too lazy to ask? Our VCDs & DVDs now come
with hologram security stickers indicating 'Clear Copy', 'Cinema Copy'
or 'Sum Kup' 628 recently released inmates of Kajang Prisons were hired
as resellers under our 'Care Program'. Being a sensitive employer,
Uncle Ho exempts them from selling brutal prison flicks like 'Hell Hole', 'Penitentiary'
& 'Brubaker'. As a responsible corporate citizen, we
provide free Video-to-VCD conversion for all local airline cabin crew*
We offer 70% discount on all un-sellable indie, art house, foreign-language and
award-winning Iranian movies as our way of promoting quality
films to the masses.
Mother's
Day Special - Special pack
of 10 movies to watch with your
mother non-stop this Sunday.
Guaranteed no sex
scenes. Promotional price: RM
30
New
stalls opening in front of KLIA Main Terminal Building this June & in Taman
Negara this July. Founder & Executive Chairman Uncle Ho was barred
from the recent 16th Malaysian Film Festival. As the only viable distribution
channel for local movies, Uncle Ho is saddened by the shoddy treatment accorded
him. Uncle Ho Holdings donated RM 85000 to replace the escalator at
Imbi Plaza which broke down 3118950 times. *subject to subject
in video | Uncle
Ho Menyokong MSC, Wawasan 2020, Malaysia Boleh, Peace Malaysia, Beli Barangan
Buatan Malaysia, Kempen Cara Hidup Sihat, Kempen Anti Denggi, Kempen Kitar Semula
& Kempen Membanteras Cetak Rompak | |
|
© 2003 TV SMITH
Link to this article: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/080503_uncleho.html
See
also: UNCLE HO'S MEGA SALE | LATUK
LOCTOR HO | PLATE
SIGHTINGS | M'SIA
BOLEH RECORDS
Link
to TV Smith's Dua Sen: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/
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