TV Smith: Hello Uncle! Uncle
Ho: Myeh lan, hye yan?* TV
Smith: I'm recording this conversation, can we converse in English?
Uncle
Ho: Tiuuuuuu!. OK lah but my England not very good. TV
Smith: How much did you pay for your doctorate and datukship titles? Uncle
Ho: Cant' remember. A few thousand ringgit. Tell you after no value. TV
Smith: You bought them together? Uncle
Ho: The Latuksheep I bought from my brother who bought it from his friend's brother.
That time I didn't know there was going to be a Mega Sale in Malaka. TV
Smith: The PhD? Uncle
Ho: I was surfing for info on the latest movies when I came across this website
offering the loctolate in DVD technology. Uncle
Ho: Summore they accept Malaysian credit cards. So why not
TV
Smith: Why do you feel it is necessary to have both titles? Uncle
Ho: I think because I was planning to gate crash FINAS or Filem Negara's annual
dinner. Got two titles sure can sit on main table. Can't remember now. TV
Smith: Do you print the titles on your calling cards and stationery? Uncle
Ho: Definitely. Latuk Loctor Ho.
Uncle Ho: Summore my wife is Latin.
TV
Smith: She is from South America? You mean Latino?
Uncle Ho: No lah.
She's now a Latin from Kepong. She is Hokkien, so she calls me Natuk.
TV
Smith: Has it been useful? Uncle
Ho: Most of the time. Even in Venice. TV
Smith: You were at the Venice Film Festival?! Uncle
Ho: Was trying to purchase the rights to that Hung Tua movie. TV
Smith: Since when you purchase movie rights? Uncle
Ho: All local movies which cannot sell one, we buy over for RM 17,000 flat fees. TV
Smith: But some producers spent millions
Uncle
Ho: Harlow! You go Astlo and see how much they pay? 5000 thousand maximum!
TV Smith: Where were you hanging out lately? Don't see you much at Shark
Disco
Uncle
Ho: Was at Gay Men Island. TV
Smith: Huh?! Uncle
Ho: The tax heaven lah. TV
Smith: Oh... you mean Cayman Islands, the tax haven. TV
Smith: Anyway, let's get back to the topic of datukships. Why do you think there
are so many Datuks allegedly involved in criminal activities recently? Uncle
Ho: I think maybe because theirs one free. My one I paid so I be more careful
in case they tarek back, my money gone
TV
Smith: Yours where can tarik back? It's fake! Uncle
Ho: Hehehe. Since it is so profitable, I told my boys to look into the fake certificate
business. TV
Smith: I thought you are already doing it? Uncle
Ho: Where got? TV
Smith: The B certs? Uncle
Ho: Eh
sorry got to go out now. Just got tip-off that Bukit Bintang area
gonna get raid by senior officers! TV
Smith: All the more you shouldn't be there, right? Uncle
Ho: Latuk and Latuk easy to settle mah
*Myeh lan, hye yan? is
the affectionate local canto greeting that is similar to "Yo! What's up bro?"
The literal translation is "What male private part, you female private part
person?" |