TV SMITH's Dua Sen: Uncle Ho's Mega Sale
TV Smith's Dua Sen
TV Smith's Dua Sen. The politically incorrect irregular columnist combines his idiosyncratic observations and tangential commentary into a blog...

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UNCLE HO'S MEGA SALE
by TV Smith
02/06/03

UNCLE HO PRE-ELECTIONS MEGA SALE - UP TO 99% DISCOUNT!
The Bargains Are Back, There's No Sale Like An Uncle Ho Sale

Due to the SARS (Sudden Aggressive Raids Syndrome) outbreak, Uncle Ho Holdings is temporarily ceasing all outdoor retail operations. As such, we are clearing our warehouses of all unsold VCD & DVD titles.* Please visit our Anchor Stalls at SS2 Pasar Malam and Petaling Street. 1st to 10th June 2003, evenings only. *Credit Card Payment for purchases above RM 1 only.

Message To Our Employees
All 'confirmed' staff will be re-deployed to other companies in our holdings including Imbi Duplication Technologies, Ah Loong Finance Company, Uncle Ho Indoor Prawn Fishing & Gaming Company and Uncle Ho Feng Thou Technotheques. Alternatively, employees can also choose to become a home distributor under our ISS (Involuntary Separation Scheme). This is a new profitable franchise scheme for employees possesing their own home DVD / CD burners. Please note that our Compatible Computer Software Division is not affected by the recent SARS outbreak.

We thank and apologise to the thousands who responded to our earlier recruitment ad on 08/05/03: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/080503_uncleho.html

Message To Our Customers
As an innovative supplier, Uncle Ho Holdings is constantly upgrading its delivery methods, products, services & marketing strategies and will be announcing some new exciting programs soon. Here's a peek into some of the latest development:

Uncle Ho's Multi-Level-Network-Marketing-Direct-Selling-Cepat Kaya-Pyramid Scheme. Join us and market exciting products which you can use at home. No upliners except for Uncle Ho and his family members. Starter kit with 50 VCDs from only RM 50!

Uncle Ho's Hozaa Syndicate-to-Peer (S2P) File Sharing System. As soon as Streamyx becomes broadband, Malaysians will be able download the lastest movies from Uncle Ho's extensive video library (for a small fee).

Hot New Titles At Low Prices:
Kehidupan Seorang Pramugari Yang Terlampau - RM 3
New Domestic Airline version. No frills; jumps straight into action.

Kehidupan Seorang Artis Drama Swasta Yang Terlampau - RM 1
Out Of Stock

GRO Peeing On Back Of Police Truck Video - RM 0.75
An award-winning nature documentary by RELA Reality TV Productions.

Italian Tourist's KLCC Under Escalator Video - RM 0.50
Avant-garde European arthouse film.

Old Favourites/Evergreens:
The Chu Mei Feng Escapades - The Entire Series - RM 0.20
With English, Malay & Tamil subtitles

De Seremban Couple - RM 0.10 Voted Most Boring Video of Malaysia, consecutively from 1993 to 2003.

Collectors Series:
The Yellow Sari 1990 - RM 0.05
Only home video ever debated in our Parliament. Fungus-free version.

Non-Software Items For Sale:

VCD Factory
Mint condition VCD factory at Pulau Sipadan. Datuk owned. Service history and new parts available.

Table Cloths & Plywoods
68,260 red table cloths, plywoods and iron table stands to clear. Suitable for low-budget Chinese seafood restaurants.

Walkie-Talkies
Uncle Ho offers all Malaysian registered security service companies a chance to own an original Motorola UHF Walkie-Talkie at a special price. By deploying walkie talkies, local security companies will be able to attract more scrawny teenagers and kids seeking employment as security guards.
Table cloth
Items at Uncle Ho's warehouse. All must go!

Waist Pouches
50,000 quality unused Uncle Ho branded waist pouches available. Can fit 100 VCDs without bulging. Suitable for other pasar malam vendors, coffee shop workers and the fashion conscious.

For more information, please contact:
The Group Marketing Director.
Syarikat Kumpulan Uncle Ho VCD DVD CD CD-ROM Holdings & Group Of Companies (Malaysia) (1998) Sdn Bhd.
E-Mail: sales_uncleho@mycen.com.my

Community Service / News / Promotions
• With the invaluable experience gained from 'tailing' enforcement officers and vehicles, our 'tontos' have started thier   own business; The Lone Ranger Stalking Company Sdn Bhd. Stalk your dream girl, guy, favourite celebrity,
  ex-girlfriend, ex-wife, current girlfriend, mistress from as low as RM 5 per hour.
• Uncle Ho Holdings has just acquired a 70% stake in Rolex Cloning Technologies Sdn Bhd of Petaling Street as   part of its diversification strategy.
• Please note that the closing date for the 2003 Uncle Ho Local Council of The Year Award is extended to 31st   July 2003 as several of our past winners have withdrawn their participation at the last minute.
UNCLE HO PRE-ELECTIONS MEGA SALE - UP TO 99% DISCOUNT!
The Bargains Are Back, There's No Sale Like An Uncle Ho Sale

© 2003 TV SMITH
Link to this article: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/020603_uncleho2.html


See also: UNCLE HO WANTS YOU | LATUK LOCTOR HO | PLATE SIGHTINGS | M'SIA BOLEH RECORDS

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