I AM STANDING FOR ELECTION
by
TV Smith
19/09/08
That's right. As historic as this announcement may be, there will be no teary-eyed declaration of my beliefs and what I stand for. Just the honest truth: I want to be rich. For that to happen, I need your vote.
If elected first time, I only need to get myself re-elected for a second term.
Taxpayers will then fund my lifestyle for life; with a pension amounting to few thousand ringgit per month. There is no need to train all my life to win an Olympic medal just to get a lesser pension. Instead of worrying about my hand serves on sweaty badminton courts, I get to do creative hand gestures in the august house. Nice :)
How about those impromptu agricultural study trips, you ask? I heard one can get RM 50,000 pocket money just to spend a few days counting potato eyes. Nice too, and the pocket change may benefit you a little. How come? Hear me out.
Since the trend is set for a weak-majority government -- whichever coalition it may be -- the crossover phenomenon is here to stay. I switch alliance, I could get millions. I stay, I might even get more millions. How can I lose?
But my election manifesto is fundamentally different. Vote for me and I share the bounty with you. Let's say my constituency has 40,000 voters and I am handed a (hypothetical) RM 40 million motivation fee. I will hand each voter a dividend of RM 90 (minus my ten per cent commission of RM 400,000). Because of you, I am inspired to negotiate for the highest amount.
By stating this up front, I don't have to negotiate in some secret location. I don't have to keep the nation in suspense by denying or staying mum till the eleventh hour. I will cross over faster than a Mat Rempit at a red light junction.
So dear people, cast your vote for me. I win, you win.
© 2008 TV SMITH
Link to this article: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/190908_standing_for_election.html
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