TV SMITH's Dua Sen: Midnight Rendezvous
TV Smith's Dua Sen
TV Smith's Dua Sen. The politically incorrect irregular columnist combines his idiosyncratic observations and tangential commentary into a blog...


by TV Smith

It was already midnight when my friend PW called. We were to meet at Oasis Beer Garden in Bangsar. Two nice surprises unfolded when I arrived. This must be the only place in in Bangsar (or Malaysia) where valet parking is three ringgit flat. Tagging along with PW, was a man who used to live in Kamunting and Kajang. Despite the odd hour and risky company, Lim Guan Eng appeared cheerful and talkative...

Politicians (unlike me) do not like to be photographed with amber liquid even though they are pussy drinkers. Picture split into two for political correctness. Pic by PW

TV: Always wanted to ask you about your prison experience...

GE: You gonna blog about that?

TV: How many types of cockroaches were there?

PW: Ask something more meaty lah...

TV: How was prison food?

GE: Not too bad. I had sand in the gravy, stones in the rice and chicken without meat...

PW: I said meaty not meat!

TV: How was prison sex?

GE: Didn't get to try it but I did hear some moaning and groaning in the other cells...

TV: How did the wardens treat you since you were a famous prisoner?

GE: Some tried to break me in the beginning. Like the others, I have to go through a cruel ragging process. But after going through it, they treated me pretty decent.

TV: What about your cell mates?

GE: I didn't have cell mates. I was in solitary confinement most of the time.

TV: How did your fellow prisoners regard you?

GE: They either think I was the stupidest person in the world for what I did or they have the greatest respect.

TV: Why were you kept in solitary confinement most of the time?

GE: Don't know. I guess they thought I might educate the other prisoners on their rights or provoke a mutiny or something [chuckles]

TV: What were the toughest moments?

GE: When my wife and kids came to visit. When they looked through the separator glass and barbed wire, when they spoke through the intercom to a bald (shaven), helpless husband and father. That's when it really got to me.

TV: How did your family take it?

GE: They too, understandably, questioned me as to whether what I stood for was worth it. I was disqualified from Parliament, lost my pension, lost my professional accreditation (as an accountant) and thereby hopes of starting my own practice.

TV: So what keeps you fighting?

GE: To be able to help the next down-trodden person who has no one else to turn to... That keeps me going.

TV: How do you deflect criticisms about Daddy handing you the job?

GE: Unlike some other famous sons, I'm not in it for the money. Tell me; which father would want their son to go through what I went through? I gladly serve the party because we all share the same beliefs and principles.

TV: What is your relationship with Kit like?

GE: When I was younger, I used to be afraid of him because he was very strict. As I grew older, I developed tremendous respect for his beliefs, his intellect, accomplishments and what he stands for...

TV: Is it more admiration than affection?

GE: Both. I love the Man.

TV: Is that why you are a chip off the old block, physically?

GE: What do you mean physically?

TV: I mean you both dress similarly to start with...

GE: No.. no.. I comb my hair sideways, wear long sleeves, rimless glasses, tuck in my shirt...

TV: Yeah... except for that trademark ball point pen in the shirt pocket...

TV: As a kid, I used to see Kit Siang and Karpal in the coffee shops in Paramount Gardens, mingling with common folks. Do you go to more upmarket places in contrast?

GE: By the way, did you vote for the DAP during the last elections?

TV: No, I voted for BN.

GE: Why?

TV: Hmmm.. Firstly, there was no DAP candidate in my area... and besides, blue is my favourite colour...

GE: What?!

TV: So where do you hang out?

GE: I go to Bangsar and Sri Hartamas occasionally. But paying 12 bucks for a coffee is like getting laid...

TV: You mean getting screwed.

TV: Hah! Tell us about your first sexual encounter.

GE: Excuse me, I need to go to the washroom.

PW: The fella cannot drink lah. Got goldfish swimming in his glass.

TV: Nevermind, who cares. We drink lah. Last call is at 2 am I think.

PW: Waiter, one more pitcher of beer!

[Guan Eng returns]

GE: Don't pour me any more beers guys! I don't have a driver and I don't want to see another jail cell.

TV: Take a cab.

GE: To Melaka, at this hour?!

TV: Are you starting your own blog too? (Father blogs here)

GE: I plan to and I'll probably take a different approach.

TV: Good. And don't lose the password like him.

GE: Think someone hacked in. He blogs and uploads himself, so I doubt the password was compromised.

TV: You a football fan?

GE: Am a diehard ManU fan. Funny you should ask.

GE: When I was in prison, they won the treble. I'm now thinking... do I have to be in jail for ManU to reach such heights again?

PW: Man.. you crazed fans would do anything for your team....

© 2005 TV SMITH
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