TV SMITH's Dua Sen: Fog Me Dead
TV Smith's Dua Sen
TV Smith's Dua Sen. The politically incorrect irregular columnist combines his idiosyncratic observations and tangential commentary into a blog...


by TV Smith

I got a call from a friend who works in a "5-day week" agency. He is in charge of wooing those foreigners - with cameras around their necks - to come shop at our previously less crowded shopping malls, stay in our previously less exorbitantly priced hotels & ride in those cabs previously using meters.

He said in no uncertain terms that - since this website attracts nearly as many viewers as that reality TV show (in which students donated millions of ringgit to needy telcos) - I should do the honourable thing and replace the fogged-up picture of Dataran Merdeka.

He was worried the picture may scare the people who are coming to shop at our previously less crowded shopping malls, stay in our previously less exorbitantly priced hotels & ride in those cabs previously using meters. Fog it! To cut a long story short; I said OK. For a moment, I thought he was gonna say no more hugging pictures.

After all, less than 48 hours after the declaration of the awful sounding State of Emergency, the Bomoh Association of Wilayah Persekutuan & Selangor (BAWS) successfully handed the cloud of haze to Penang. The kiamsiap islanders indicated they will graciously put up with it so long as there is no charge.

Anyway, I figured the only way to get irrefutable proof, is to go find a high enough vantage point for my camera. To help me discharge my patriotic duty, I enlisted my neighbour Nita.

(quick call to Nita):
Me: Remember the place you said you lost your bra a few weeks ago?
Nita: Uh-huh. Why?
Me: I need you to show me the way, now.
Nita: OK. But I won't be wearing one.
Me: That was the only bra you own???
Nita: No lah, it's already late, lazy to dress up mah...
Me: Jom!

So off we went, round and round the endless maze of the Ampang/Cheras suburbs. Twenty minutes later, we finally reached the foothill of Klang Valley's ultimate make-out palace. As we neared the peak of "Mini Gentings" (as it is popularly known), I noticed something disturbing. Fog! There is racial segregation even in mass petting!

Around the third last turn, were rows of cars occupied by Malay couples. At the next turn were Indian lovers and the home stretch was filled with horny Chinese folks. How do I know (about the racial composition)? There is a burger stall, kacang putih seller and chee chong fun stall at each respective corner.

I like the Ramli Burger section though; those Sentul & Ah Beng foggers have got no respect for peace and serenity. Stop smooching and blasting your car stereo at the same time mutherfoggers! (Listen to mini sound samples - Jinjang or Sentul Version - click to play or download mp3s. Remember to blast your volume)

Still, it was nice to see Malaysians of all races congregating (voluntarily) without the customary lure of free food or goody bags. The atmosphere was festive and the place seem much safer than the other spot I went previously. Fog me dead, there was indeed no haze nor peeping toms in uniform...

Olympus C8080, ISO 50, f5.6, 15 sec exposure - 14th August 2005 10:48 pm


© 2005 TV SMITH
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