TV SMITH's Dua Sen: Big Ear Hole
TV Smith's Dua Sen
TV Smith's Dua Sen. The politically incorrect irregular columnist combines his idiosyncratic observations and tangential commentary into a blog...

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BIG EAR HOLE
by TV Smith
21/09/04

The Ah Longs or loan sharks are making the headlines again through their creative collection methods. Dua Sen managed to obtain a rarely seen application form/contract from one of these leading finance companies...

TAI EE LONG COMPANY
UN
LICENSED MONEYLENDER
In order for us to expedite your loan application,
tell us a bit more about yourself:

Why are you applying for a loan?
English Premier League
Private hospital bills
SMS contest

When was your last visit to a highlands resort?
less than an hour ago
less than 24 hours ago
less than a week ago

Why did you come to us?
Credit card reached limit
Cannot re-finance car
Nothing left to pawn

How do you intend to settle the loan?
Blank post-dated cheques
Surrendering ATM card and password
No idea yet

Which part of your body do you think
requires remodeling?
The face
The torso
The limbs

How did you settle your previous loan?
Visited Michael Chong
Made a police report
Attempted suicide

Should collateral be required, which
of the following will you pledge?
Wife
Sister
Mother

How did you first hear about us?
Calling card in letterbox
Stickers on lamp posts
Neighbour's sudden death

Where do you normally hang out at 3am?
Mamak
Casino
Feng Thou discos

Office Use only:

Accept/Decline/Investigate

Additional documents required:
Passbook/Passport/Birth Cert/Utility Bills

© 2004 TV SMITH
http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/

NO COLLATERAL OR GUARANTOR
INSTANT APPROVAL

ATTRACTIVE INTEREST RATES
1 WEEK - 30% per day
1 MONTH - 50% per month
3 MONTHS & ABOVE - negotiable
This agreement is made between Tai Ee Long Co (herein known as TELCO) and the borrower (herein known as the client) under the following terms and conditions:

The client agrees to keep the loan active for a minimum continuous period of 12 months from the date of approval. Otherwise, an additional agreed fee of RM 500 shall be charged to the client.

All interests calculated on an hourly basis.

The interest for the first day/week/month will be automatically deducted when the client receives the loan.

The client agrees to declare/report any sudden windfall such as casino or lottery winnings to TELCO within 3 hours.

TELCO reserves the right to display client's picture and loan details in his or her neighbourhood, children's school, place of employment/ trading.

The client agrees to hold harmless TELCO for any harm inflicted upon the client and his or her family members in the event of payment delays.

TELCO reserves the right to collect all outstanding loan and interest from family members, relatives and friends upon client's sudden demise.


I, ____________________________ (the client and undersigned) hereby agree to all past, present and future terms and conditions as dictated by TELCO.

Loan amount:
Repayment period:
Alias:  
Address:
MyKad/IC no:
Mobile phone no:
Name of children's school:
Wife/Husband's workplace:



_____________________________
Signature & fingerprints
Dated:

Please attach current passport size photographs:
Front View
Side View
Rear View
   

WARNING: LATE PAYMENT MAY RESULT IN INTERRUPTION OF AIR SUPPLY TO THE LUNGS

© 2004 TV SMITH
Link to this article: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/210904_telco.html

See also: COPS VS AH LONGS | UNCLE HO'S MEGA SALE | THE REAL OLYMPICS | GANGSTA'S PARADISE

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Link to TV Smith's Dua Sen: http://www.tvsmith.net.my/duasen/

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