TV SMITH's Dua Sen: Wild World
TV Smith's Dua Sen
TV Smith's Dua Sen. The politically incorrect irregular columnist combines his idiosyncratic observations and tangential commentary into a blog...


by TV Smith

It's not easy being PM, Pak Lah recently confessed. Every time he attempts to leave home alone, his bodyguards would stop him. His last personal adventure (as he calls it) was a harrowing drive-through encounter more than a year ago. Awww, shucks! Since our beloved PM is ill-prepared for the wild world, I've compiled a list to bring him to speed should he ever sneak out...

01. Slow down at green lights. Motorcyclists run red lights routinely.

02. Sending SMS while driving and riding is considered safer than talking.

03. It's easier ordering fast food than switching call plans.

04. There's a water vending machine at every corner because most people don't like      the taste of muddy tap water.

05. Besides Shah Alam, there are plenty of other bald hills to visit.

06. Tourists go Petaling Street to buy imitation goods. Locals go to Pasar Karat for       cheap originals.

07. Spas are not spas as you think.

08. 30,000 menacing motorcyclists roam and race the streets every Saturday night.

09. If your car breaks down, just stick a twig of leaves from your boot.

10. Tow trucks arrive faster than any emergency vehicles.

11. You are not allowed into a taxi unless you state your destination.

12. Most people rather have power windows and broadband that work. Not roti canai-      peddling spacemen.

13. You can dine on the road anytime, anywhere.

14. You can shop for the latest movies while dining.

15. There are more blind people at eating places than in LRTs.

16. Some shopping places charge RM 2 per pee.

17. Cyber cafes are gaming centers.

18. A new PC costs less than original software.

19. Every time you queue patiently in a traffic jam, a VIP motorcade is bound to come      along and potong queue.

20. The gaming shop is our only truly multi-racial establishment. We can now interact       four times a week.

21. It's cheaper flying to Phuket than traveling to KLIA.

22. Ramli burgers are cheaper and tastier.

23. Need a plumber when you are broke? There are plumber and loan-shark business      cards in every letter box.

24. Indoor prawn fishing is out. Futsal is in.

25. EPL is not about football.

26. Motor shows are not about cars.

27. ATM machines take a break from midnight to morning.

28. Number of bus licenses and number of buses on the road are inversely proportional.

29. In a shopping mall, watch out for pickpockets and roller rodents!

30. Like the wild world so much and plan to rent a room? There is a community       bulletin board on every bus stop, lamp post and phone booth.

Title inspired by Cat Steven's Wild World

© 2005 TV SMITH
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